Sweating like Nixon...

When I work out, I do not "perspire".  I often perspire while I eat or drive to work.  Supermodels glisten with perspiration on the beach.  No, I SWEAT.  HEAVILY.  Sometimes it's so bad that I'll actually throw my outfit away.

This has always been something which I've been somewhat embarrassed by.  I'm completely drenched, I can't sit down anyplace, my clothing stinks, my wife won't give me a kiss goodbye, and everywhere I walk becomes slippery.  Sweat has even ruined the volume buttons on my iPod Touch.  Sometimes my children run away.  My workout recently at the YMCA brought this to a new level though.

I did my typical brain-dead activity of jumping on the elliptical, setting it to level 18 hills, cranking up the "Metallica" and going for it for 45 minutes.  I began to sweat.  I happened to notice that, as I used the elliptical, the floor directly under me began to get wet.  Further, the floor in front of the machine (there are some "poles" that go back and forth with your hands/arms on the elliptical) began to get REALLY wet.

"No problem," I thought...I'll just use one of the three towels I grabbed to clean this up.  However, the puddles began to draw attention.  Everybody who walked in front of me looked down at the sweat and steered around it (most casting me a sideways glance).  However, one set of girls did something which I'll always remember.  (Note:  this was all happening no more than two feet directly in front of me as I worked out)

They stopped, called their friend over, and were pointing and laughing at the sweat on the floor.  Then they looked at me (as I continued toiling on the machine) while they were talking, then back at the floor one more time as they walked away.  By this time, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" was cranked in my ears, so I couldn't hear a damned thing, I will assume that everything they said was extremely positive.

In my opinion, sweating like a pig at the gym is all positive:

• It's a sign you worked your ass off
• It keeps people from standing next to / in front of you for too long - ultimately keeping your view of the TV clear
• It functions as a personal swamp cooler, cooling you off as it evaporates from your skin (and preventing you from overheating)
• It's a personal "dehydration alarm" - if you quit sweating - STOP and get re-hydrated

So, rather than be embarrassed about my propensity to sweat like Nixon, I will consider it a blessing and wear the puddles as a badge of honor.  And I will leave the "perspiring" to supermodels.

And yes - I did wipe down the machine and the floor afterward.